The Awkward Diners Club – Those Whom I Admire

A Daily Response to the Daily Post’s Daily Prompt: Admire

It is not a well-kept secret that I face issues too great for me to handle alone. Over the years, I have slowly been building up an army of people I can trust and relate to. As of late, my army has reached its greatest strength yet. There are now four of us Awkward Diners and I am proud to call each and every one of them my friends. I look up to you three and I can’t explain it with words no matter how powerful those words even are. I am truly grateful to you people for fighting alongside me. And I know that we are all at war with our own issues at the moment but let’s not fight this alone. I force my issues onto you and as a result of that, I expect you to do the same. I can;t solve my own problems, but I can try to solve yours.

I don’t want you to feel alone anymore.
I don’t want you to feel left out.
I don’t want you to feel battered and defeated because even if you cannot stand,
I shall stand for you if you shall stand for me.
This world is harsh and ur chains are strong but let’s try our all to be free.

Raison D’être

A Daily Response to the Daily Post’s Daily Prompt: Purpose

I have been waiting for months for this kind of prompt! I actually jumped a bit in my seat when I saw this – and me being excited about something like this is a rarity. Then I realised I hadn’t started studying for my exam tomorrow (-_-). Well, now that I have that all out-of-the-way I can tackle this topic in the full force of my nihilistic dreams!

Simply put, I don’t believe that my life has any objective purpose. I find that is the most pleasing news I could have ever heard (just shy of that is my crush saying that she likes me back). Being without a purpose means that I can do whatever the bloody hell I set my heart on and I would still feel a sense of accomplishment. I can do what I like, when I like, because I like it that way. I am free from that sense of obligation that binds others to their destiny. Although, my thoughts on freedom are…depressing. And my morality dictates harsh obligations…So let me rather say that I get to embrace the illusion of freedom of the will in its full force. I get to feel like I am completely free. Continue reading “Raison D’être”

Outside Inside Inside Out

A not-so-daily response to the Daily Prompt’s Daily Post: Chaos

Little by little, breaking, like an old and fragile glass.

Our pieces fell down onto the floor

And soon we were left with nothing more

Than broken glass and shards of our hearts.

 

There was no-one that would save us.

There was no-one that care

We are the broken and faithless

But by no means are we unaware.

 

Hell yeah, sure we wanted more.

No way we were going back to war.

Our weary bones could barely hold us up.

But still we fought, not out of luck.

 

Because deep down we could not give in,

We were like them, afraid of the end

Fearing what lay beyond,

Our fires still lit, we could respond.

 

Unable to fight but unable to give in

We’d scour the depths of hell for but a single sign

Of something that had our smell

Just a semblance of our memories was all that we required.

 

While demons around us danced,

While the rest of the world advanced,

We would stay right here, and alone we roam

To rediscover our broken hearts.

 

 

Whispers, that is how they start

A not-so-daily response to the Daily Post’s Daily Prompt: Whisper

Whispers

That is how they start,

small voices in your head at the back of your mind, conversing while you lie in bed.

Never letting go

never shutting up,

there is hardly any escape.

I heard them then before that time and all the times before.When,

the world goes dark and I lost control,

Panic.

Fear.

Disorder.

 

Time slows down within those walls and,

the whispers grow ever louder.

Nothing I can do about that when,

I know it will return again, far worse, and ever stronger.

 

 

The space in which I live is small and,

it doesn’t help to have my phobia.

Self-doubting will get you nowhere fast but eliminates many an error.

There are few things I can look towards that help stave off their hunger,

the burning desire for flame is one that I hope will never falter. Yet even then I am not so strong that I can hold it off forever.

even then I am not so strong that I can hold it off forever. I

will do what I must

keep it at bay

until I can allow myself

to waver,

 

 

Falling into the chasm of whispers.

Panic.

Fear.

Disorder.

 

 

 

Stepping Out?

A not-so-daily response to the Daily Post’s Daily Prompt: Closet

Everyone always urges you,

to step outside that room.

To be more social, happy, outgoing.

and rid yourself of gloom.

 

I have but one thing to say to them,

about me stepping out, of my den:

“Screw that, Doctor Who is on!”

 

 

Uncertainty

Here I sat three days ago,
full of life and cheer.
how things have changed since the news,
that pressed against my ear.

Not death nor dire tragedy,
that makes me bleed inside.
just plain uncertainty that makes my insides quiver.

I am not accustomed to such things nor will I ever be,
The news that I received came from thee university.
“Your course is no longer offered so you better try anew.”
with callous disregard, they added one last thought too
“We may have made a mention that we care for our learners,
but we care not your new application.
For it is late and we dare not consider,
the knowledge to be shared between us.
We have no care for you.”

You have left me feeling uncertain of who I am inside,
for when I came across these facts I was not struck down,
I quivered.