That which Distorts our Eye

A catch-up post to get back on track: Eyes

I HAVE TIME!!

It’s incredible. I haven’t felt like I actually have enough spare time to do things like this. I’ve been frantically procrastinating and trying to catch up. But at last, I can take a breath and not worry about the immediate repercussions.

Eyes. They are really an incredible thing. Loved by poets and artists alike. Eyes and what allow us to perceive the world and it is our past experience that distorts what we pay attention to. Indeed, our eyes display no bias towards good or bad. Not instinctively anyway. What we focus on is shaped by what we have experienced. Now, I’m not saying that those who have experienced joy will see joy or visa versa. It’s not that simple. One can experience a great amount of happiness in their life but feel that it was not satisfactory, they then search for little bits of sadness. They focus their eyes on what will make the sad. A friend of mine has been through a great deal of pain and suffered through more than I think she should have. Despite not having one herself, she is one of the most mothering and nurturing people I know. People like her have received a great amount of pain but chose to focus, and work towards the good.

Our eyes are fascinating things. So complex confusing, yet, completely understandable if one takes the time to research how they developed. As this is meant to be day three for my thirty day writing challenge, I shall delay no more and get right down to it.

Prompt number three is: Your first kiss and your first love. If separate, discuss separately.

Well . . . can I back out of this now? xD

I see why I have been avoiding this post for so long. My answer would have to be something along the lines of them being separate. My first kiss, happened way too fast and was extremely underwhelming. (Sorry G.V.S.S. if you are reading this). It was after musical practice one day and she had come over to my house. I can’t recall if we were already a couple then or not but she pounced on me and kissed me. It felt weird. I was not used to that sensation. I didn’t like either but I thought that I was supposed to so I gave it a go and tried it out. The relationship lasted longer than it should have. We hit a rut that we couldn’t get out of without ending things and so after much duress, she did just that. Ended it. Blah blah blah. Teenage romance. Blah blah blah. Teenage hormones. Icky and gross and me no like.

First kiss, yeah. It’s one of the things that I can remember and I can certainly recall a desire for it to feel like there was electricity coursing through my veins when our lips met, but it didn’t. Some may say that she was just a bad kisser. No, not from what everybody else has said about her. The only other person that I’ve kissed (or think we kissed, I was really obsessive over this girl and had many delusions and fantasies that never actually happened). It was better this time. Kissing her. It felt more right. But I still felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Albeit, we had an agreement to have no physical contact for a year. I stupidly accepted. Neither of us could uphold our agreement and it was within this relationship that I can peg the point where I tumbled beyond merely ‘just getting back up’.BUT more on that in another post. I just got the news that I don’t have campus tomorrow and so I can catch up on all of these prompts that I have ignored. I can write until I drop and then I can crawl my way to my book and just let the musing of another author wash over me and transport me into another universe.

As for my first love? Well, that hasn’t happened yet. To quote what I wrote in one of my essays “[love is] ‘the reluctance to leave another but the resolution to do so if that is what is best’. Love has a certain air of permanency, and very often, unexplainability. This definition does not define love as being able to be directed at only one person. Nor does it demand that we understand the reasons for why we term that emotion ‘love’. What it does demand, however, is selflessness. When we truly love someone, we must be fully willing to sacrifice our own desires for theirs if that is what is needed. What we must do, is make clear the distinction between ‘love’ and obsession’. The latter of which can often be interpreted as the first but can be separated out due to its destructive potential. Love is necessarily constructive”.

I thought that I was truly in love with all three of the girlfriends that I have had. But each time, it ended up not being that. It was something else. Something like love, but far more dangerous. Something far closer to obsession. So no. I have not had my first love yet. I have had what I thought was love but the I realised that it wasn’t. Such is the danger of this emotion. There are so many things like it which warp our eyes.

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