Longing

Dream Journal 17-05-16

Just a blank and empty vial. It seems I forgot to click post here yesterday so I’ve attached my more recent dream here as well.

Dream Journal 18-05-16

Last night’s dream was one of those hyper-realistic dreams, that even when I woke up and suspected it to be a dream, I had to look  for the inconsistency in it to determine if it was real or not. By Jove, I wish it was real.

My family and I were sitting in the lounge. I was on my phone, alternating between playing Alto’s Adventures and chatting to the person I had developed an emotional bond with. My sister was in the couch next to me. It was her turn to cook dinner tonight but she was mostly texting on her phone as well. I cursed at my death in the game. I should have known to jump over that rock and grind the rail to a new high score. Curious, my sister poked her head over at the game and asked if she could try it out. She loved it almost as much as I do and asked if I’d install it while she finished off dinner. Taking her phone, I scoured the Play Store for the game. It took me a while but I eventually found it. As I was about to tap install, a Whatsapp appeared on her screen and I accidently opened that instead. The name was. . . familiar. It was the exact same name as the person whom I was speaking to. Why was my sister speaking to the girl I liked?

I have fast eyes, They will dart around the place and see even that which I do not wish to see. They had already examined the words and grammatical structure of the first half of her message. Unable to resist, I carried on reading the words that I wished had been sent to me. By default, I started to reply to her, then I quickly realised how wrong it would be for me to do so, even to read the message was wrong. I installed the game and left her phone on her chair. I’d approach her later that night, and apologise then. I don’t know if I was ready for the rest of my family to know yet.

Keeping an ear out from my room for her distinct footsteps, I eagerly awaited to get this off my chest. When I heard them, they were closer than I had anticipated, she was coming up my stairs into my room. In a panic, I called out that I had just gotten out the shower and needed to put more than a towel and water droplets on. I rushed to the sink, splashed water on my face and wet my hair, changed into a fresh set of clothes so that I could at least play the part of my lie. Relieving myself of a bit of the panic, I granted her safe entry.

We spoke for about 30 minutes on the topic after I abruptly apologised. The message that I had read calmed all my fears of unrequited love, in that I knew she felt the same way (not that I would use that word yet to describe the way I felt – just unrequited strong emotional attachment and desire to be next to said person does not go well together). The dream ended here as I arose to the sun of late morning gleaming down  on my bedcovers. How I wish that that dream was real.

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