Earlier this week I knew that I would have to skip out on a few of these posts. So I gave myself the challenge of tieing them all together as one topic at the end of the week.
What follows is a story about what happens when we close our eyes at night. In the darkness of our minds, on the shelves and in our storerooms, whenever they get the chance, they fight. They are relics of our childhood when we still lived in a land of mystery and wonder. They are the memories that we have dropped and abandoned, sitting there, collecting dust, they envy our cell phones and our laptops, our computers and our tablets. They are the toys that we would get our dads to fix because we loved them so much. We could never replace them, until the day we grew up, and then we did. I have tried to write this story by drawing on the little memories that I have of my childhood, playing ‘skonicals’ with my brothers. Childish, boyish humour wreaks havoc on the following pages. You have been warned.
Consider this a playlet, the characters involved and those toys who still stand on the shelves in my room. I love these characters and they each have helped me move past certain issues in my life. Things like bullying and verbal abuse at school. They were the heroes of my childhood and I hope that they remind you just a little bit of yours.
Reaper: Neither hero nor villain. He is in it all for his own sake. A lego warrior infused with the elements light and dark.
Gandalf: The almighty high fantasy wizard, member of the Istari and defender of the good and the righteous.
Stone: A lego warrior carved out of pure stone. As strong as the earth but has the brains of a rock.
Turk: Child of Thunder the planet smasher. He is a Tungsten lego warrior that fights for purity.
Frank: The classic, good looking hero who beats the baddie and gets the girl. A man who excels in all areas. Ex-fireman turned government super agent. The man I always wished I could be.
Jed: The realist and tactician of the group. He is the one that sorts out the plans for the group. He is the only human (apart from Frank) and he was thrust into the world of Warriors that are roughly 18 times his size. Jed underperforms in all areas involving physical effort but slightly above average on mental exercises. He is the man that I thought I could be.
Nightmare: A monstrous titan who towers over even the warriors. He has the power to delve into the deepest level of consciousness while we sleep and alter our memories and beliefs. He was the recurring villain to my stories of the past (now its a devil turned mortal that goes by the name of ‘Rogers’)
Makuhita (Make pizza): Twice the size of the average warrior and the muscles behind the evil, dastardly nightmare. A warrior who embraced the greatest power of fire, and darkness.
The Epic Tale of Heroic Heroes That does Hero stuff While Heroing
Scene I – Accepting the questline
Narrator: Our tales begins on a cold and misty midsummer’s night. In the dreams of the king of. . . whateverthisplaceiscalled, the dastardly, horribly evil villain Nightmare is changing the kings memories as we speak. Nightmare visited myself last Thursday and told me to delay you, the heroes so that you would not stop his dastardly, EVIL plans from being dastardly and evil.
Reaper: Look, bro, I know that you are trying to add a bit of depth to the story but please just shut up and leave this to us. The heroes always win in stories like this one so can we just skip to the end where we find the epic loot?
Narrator: hmm….let I think about that one.
Reaper: Damn you, narrator.
As Reaper argues with the omnipresent narrator of our story, Julian “Jediah” Schnicklebowmne hears word of the foul events happening at the palace and he gathers up the group of heroes.
Frank: Alright everybody, rollcall. Stone? Turk? Yes, I hear you grunt. Reaper?…still arguing with god I see. Jed? You called us together, glad to see you pitched this time. Anybody saw Gandalf?
Gandalf: Why yes, when I woke up this morning I saw a dashingly good looking wizard staring back at me while I brushed my teeth. I can only imagine that such a handsome fellow was Gandalf.
Frank: Ah, good morning your prettiness. Is everyone all ready to head out to save the king, defeat the bad guy and claim the loot?
Reaper: I think we should have breakfast first. I never like to fight on an empty stomach.
Jed: You ate two hours ago!
Reaper: Second breakfast?
The group quickly agrees to have a second breakfast before the rescuing and heroism take place. After the food is all finished they gear up and head out to go and save the king.
Act two – A polite villains
Upon arrival at the castle gates, the group is quickly ushered inside the castle and to the king’s chambers where they find the king sleeping soundly, and the monstrous villain Nightmare, with his back to them. He is currently trying to complete the hardest soduko puzzle ever drawn out but is failing miserably because he can’t hold a pencil.
Nightmare (upon seeing the heroes he whips his head around and laughs): Mwahahahahahahahhahahahiiiiii. You are too late adventurers. I have already taken control of the king and claimed his royal soduko. There is nothing that you could say or do that would make me rethink killing each and every one of you! I waited here for (checks watch) 7 hours! Do you know how far I got in this soduko? I got nowhere, that is how intense the puzzle is on even my brain, the greatest of them all.
Reaper (snapping back): No, the reason you didn’t get anywhere on the puzzle is because you can’t hold a pencil and fill in the numbers, and I can give you two very good reasons to kill them and not me. 1) I can fill in the puzzle for you and 2) I brought snacks.
Nightmare: You have a point, you can live. As for the rest of you, I understand why you were so late getting to me here, so I shall give you one chance. If you can defeat my bodyguard….who is currently on leave. Then I will have you fight me, if you win both fights then you may take control of the king yourself.
The party temporarily forgets their duty as sworn protectors of the land and agrees, they decide that they will make quite good kings and go off to find Makuhita.
Act III – The Fighting begins
The battle against Makuhita is very quick. The party convinces him that if he joins their side, then he will be able to claim ownership of the southern section of the kingdom. Turk and Stone use his distraction to swiftly eliminate him. His limp body falls to the floor and his left big toe twitches. The party realises that he was the local pizza maker and are distraught at the loss of their favourite food. Stone cries and Turk dies. His immeasurably hard skin was pierced by emotion, with his honour shattered he vanished in a puff of metallic smoke.
Stone decides that he will take up the life of a pizza maker and leaves the party. We now only have Jed, Frank, Gandalf and Reaper left to destroy the most powerful and most evil, evil creature in all of the lands.
Reaper: Look, bro, I don’t know what your powers are and quite honestly I don’t even care. If you just hand over the kingdom then we will allow you to roam free.
Nightmare (pauses tot think): Nah. I’m gonna kill all o’ ya. With a wave of his hand, Nightmare transports the group into the Kings dreams. Now in case any of you die here, you can feel safe that your bodies won’t die out there too. Well, that’s only half true. If yu die in this man’s dreams then you are doomed to live in his dreams for all eternity.
Stone grabs Frank and Jed, flinging them at Nightmare who is forced to block them from slamming into him. Gandalf uses this opportunity to run around the terribly evil nightmare and uses his mighty sword of righteousness to slice off the fiend’s tail. Reaper charges at Nightmare who gets thrown off balance and falls into the ground. Gandalf casts a spell and Nightmare is rendered useless. The battle was quick and decisive, it is the victory of the epic heroes of heroism.